What is holding you back to do what you want to do or want to successfully accomplish. For me, it is this feeling of an invisible being holding me back from what I can focus on. Nowadays, it is hard for people to focus on what they need to accomplish at hand. What people have a lot of is time. I disagree. I never have time to take the time to just think something through. I think that is why these past few months or years I have been just content with doing stuff that takes no constant thinking effort that is uncomfortable, to just follow through with things, people, events, situations, commitments, that I am already aware of and mostly comfortable with. I am all stuffy and would love to walk in a world that is like a hot shower, with rainfall cascading down my head, warming me from my had to my tippy tip toes. Then walk into a room with a warm fireplace, and all the fuzzy comfy blankets I can manage, with a book to read, like House of Leaves, a cat, and a movie on in the background. I can type faster than I can write now. My computer is my everything nowadays, and isn’t that sad? Isn’t that a bit reliable on a piece of technology that can be easily destroyed with a simple smash? Ten twelve years ago I was either eight or six. So young, I remember the day I turned six, I was sitting in my room on the evergreen carpeted floor reading a book and being so happy that I was finally a six years old. I remember that day was a beautiful day. Don’t be joking about my grade in this class. Gah, almost sent me to a heart attack. How are you going to improve yourself instead of complaining about what you cannot do right now? Are you actually going to take a stand and work towards what you want? You are probably unaware that things take time and effort with the right purpose. It is hard to understand cause I definitely know cause I take eons to make up my mind. It is not that I don’t like to think, I do. I would rather just ponder a lot of stuff rather than talk about it and write about it. But there comes a point when you cannot contain all your thoughts inside your own brain, it becomes a rather crowded place to be actually. Have you ever really been inside your brain? I felt rooted into a ground covered with sunflowers with a tree in the distance, and I could see wind, I didn’t feel it, I saw it, with red luscious meaty strawberries at my forearm in a brown wicker basket. What if people had thought bubbles following them everywhere? Instead of reading their minds, you would be reading their thoughts. What difference would that be like? I have to go to this class on Thursday. I wish I would not. I think the air would be crowded with little clouds with written words; we wouldn’t be able to see the sky. If it weren’t so cold, I would sleep outside. Maybe I will. Soon. Soon is so relatively unknown. I will soon see you. Is that okay? Most people aren’t okay right now. Is there ever a time when a group of people are really okay? I realized that if I just ignored or moved on from a certain aspect of my life, everything else going on is actually good. It has taken me a long time to realize that and to say that to myself, because who doesn’t talk to themselves, even if it is only in your mind? And I think that is what has made this hell week just a tad bit more breathable, doable? Everything is doable. Have you finally realized that? But the more important question is is it breathable? Do you want advice? Ask for it. I haven’t laughed as much as I had the past two nights I have been back. This feels like a home now. And I was afraid of that feeling, but it is good to like where you are. He kept turning my lights off last night and threw me his hat and picked up the freshly printed-paper and placed it on the computer. Mah he kept screaming and it was too funny. My bones ache. I can feel the weight of myself. I am three d, not a flat character. Map guide. What if we all had our own map guides, where it showed us actually moving forward or backward in our lives? Would the map be smarter than us in deciding what we want or need? The path of no resistances is easy and cheap, like sleep. Are you ready, willing, and able to succeed in the future you want? Cause I know. I. Am. Going through the woods of fire. How can you say you know what my younger generation wants? Some of them don’t even know what they themselves want. I don’t know where you are saying. Wow. We are now in November. Tomorrow is December. This is the last day of November of this year. November and February are the toughest months of the year, the dog bone years. It is amazing people make it through these months. I can explain this with graphics. You would like that. Zoom out for a little bit, it will help you appreciate what you focus on on hand. It flashed before their eyes. Their eyes were filled with wonder and excitement where everything was beyond their reach and yet within their slight control. With all those factors at stake, them being together was an astonishing fact. Yet, not many knew about it fully. They had heard tidbits and tried to understand their dynamics, but no one could fully comprehend unless they were those two people. People wanted to be these two people, and tried to influence their inner beings with these two inner beings’ beings. Double words have double meanings with double influence to attention. They embarked on this adventure that would accommodate their thirst for what they felt that they were missing. They are people who try to fill their souls, not diminish it and bring it to its ashes sooner rather than later. We need to up bring ourselves. This rushing feeling is maximizing the veins in these beings. I am really not listening to the red-eyed individual. Are you ready for the best day of your life? It is almost here.
that i am done with classes, until next monday, at least.chocolate.my family, who i love very much and wouldn’t have made it up to this point without them, as much as i complain about them.my friends.my friends who actually make it a point to stay in contact with me, because i love talking to them while we all are where we need to be.food.my cousin, Audrey, she has pretty much become my sister now.the ability to think for myself, and to be able to voice them, and just believe in what i want to believe.popcorn, which i am eating right now.pictures.tumblr.tumblr pictures which cover my dorm room walls.my lovely planner from anthropologie.movies.my blankie.the fact that i can walk on my own. that my health is pretty good for the most part, except when i don’t eat or get enough sleep, which is pretty much all the time now.my computer.the support that people give me.the fact that shelby is coming to visit monday, or today, and that she is returning to school. music. water. yoga. yoga.yoga.yoga.meditation.yoga.yoga. meditation.yoga.dance.blue ball point pens.canvases.creative people.interesting people.tea.chai tea.chai tea lattes.green tea.skinny jeans.leggings.gray.dark chocolate. performances. sandwiches. veggies. recycling. having my grandma be my longest pen pal.dance parties.air fresheners. my awesome roommate.cooler weather.seeing my family this weekend.people seeing how much effort i put into things that matter.christmas lights.the fact that i can listen to christmas music and put up christmas decorations and bake christmas cookies and have winter break soon.art museums.europe.especially england.a phone.a brain.a heart.i guess having the rest of my body too.knowing what i want to accomplish in my life.knowing that my idea of my life can change. tim burton. compassion.tears.clothes.anthropologie.cursive writing.handwritten love letters.showers.pasta.cheese.cheessy pizza.lipgloss that makes my lips kissable.the fact that i can function by myself, that i can depend upon myself.the few people that i can depend on.magazines that can be cut to shreds.candles.lotion.having a place where i can call home.my chemistry professor.my english professor who lets me write ten page essays about what i want to write about.my calculus teacher.the fact that i will be done with my lame ass indv class that has a ta who thinks he is the bomb shit, who is actually the biggest douche bag ever to walk this planet, in thirteen days.the semester is over in thirteen days.this note that my younger brother wrote for me when he was like seven years old.the fact that i save cute things like that that i can look back to when i am having a bad day.good hair days.alice in wonderland story.my new friends.authors who write amazing books.libraries.book stores.skinny love.miike snow.cuddle weather.cuddle days.farmers markets.life.